Bug

As with any creative endeavor, it’s easy to be critical of one’s work. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve uploaded a strip and thought “Well, that one sure was a clunker.” But this is one of the few that I’m really proud of. It has that perfect blend of clever and stupid.

Just think of how much more interesting wars would be if they all had a spending cap of fifty bucks. Before every war the two sides have to meet with a UN inspector to show their receipts. Wars would just be guys in flip flops and old, promotional t-shirts (the Energizer bunny, movie tie-in from Dunston Checks In, etc). Weaponry would have to be purchased at garage sales. Soldiers would be trained on how to strangle a man with a used onesie. Battleships would be comprised of two guys in a scratched up canoe, throwing pieces from an old Monopoly set. Generals would coordinate troop positions by moving McDonald Happy Meal toys around a large road map of Iowa. I’d also count fuel towards the fifty dollar limit, which would mean warring nations would have to a) be in the same county, or b) attack each other through strongly worded letters.

If I had to break down the formula for my comics I’d say they consist of 20% relatable material and 80% utter nonsense. Today’s comic bucks that trend. I have experienced every panel of this strip.

What IS it with ordering pizza? My friends and I are fairly bright folks who are capable of using a telephone, possess basic math skills, and can answer a knock at the door. But when all three of these tasks are combined for the sake of pizza we act like we’re being asked to assist in a prison break a day before we’re on parole. We hem, we haw, we pray that SOMEONE ELSE will do one of these seemingly impossible tasks. And if we draw the short straw and are ordered to do one of them, we sure as hell won’t be doing the other two. How many times have you heard something like “Hey! I’m making the call so that means one of YOU will be answering the door!”

You know how in the movie Fight Club, Tyler Durden would hand out homework to his crew? That’s what I want to do with you guys right now. From now on, YOU be the one to handle all three tasks. I know this might sound crazy, but think of how differently your friends will look at you. You’ll be a damn hero! They might actually start listening to what you have to say. And oh, how they’ll lament your absence when they crave a pizza.

Friend 1: “Dude, you make the call.”

Friend 2: “No way! YOU make the call.”

Friend 1: “Dammit, (insert your name) usually handles this.”

Friend 2: “We are nothing without (insert your name).”

Friend 1: “True. We should buy (insert your name) a gift to show our appreciation.”

Friend 2: “Agreed. You call the gift store.”

Friend 1: “No way! YOU call the gift store!”

See how amazing your life could be? That could be YOUR friends bickering with each other!

I don’t believe in much, but I do believe in my classification of geekiness. Every person I’ve ever known who has displayed any amount of geekery could be easily categorized using this strip as a guideline. My friends and I are all second class geeks; we’re out of the closet about our geekiness, but we’d be rather concerned if one of us started dressing up like a cadet from Starfleet.

For a double feature last night I watched GlenGarry Glen Ross and Margin Call. Both fine dramas, but they both had scenes of a main character in a bathroom, splashing water on his face. I know I’ve seen plenty of other movies where this happens. Have any of you ever done this? And does it actually help or are you still just as stressed as you were before, only now you have a damp face?